Saturday arvo I moved into my new pad – admittedly a tad hungover from the night before - when I realized that the new place was in need of a damn good clean. That is only to be expected in a new place and I scrubbed for a couple of hours before sampling the local cuisine in my new area. Not so bad.
Sunday, however, was a different matter. I awoke and thought I would enjoy the sunshine streaming through my window and finish my book, after all how better to start a Sunday morning. This was my first fatal error. Despite realizing within the first chapter that my book was going to take me on an emotional rollercoaster I didn’t quite expect the number of tears that flowed by the final page.
However, although sad it was also very uplifting and I set about on my first challenge for the day: assembling my IKEA chest of drawers. I possibly should have realized that this shouldn’t be attempted on my own when the instructions had diagrams of two people doing but being an independent kinda gall I continued regardless. Using my feet and knees as the extra pairs on hands I required whilst balancing on my bum and hammering all at the same time I was actually doing ok. Then I made a mistake and try as I might I just couldn’t pull the bugger apart. The lump in my throat started to rear its head so I changed focus.
Turning the music up as loud as I could I set about cleaning. I always find a strange kind of satisfaction from a good clean and yelling along to some loud drums and rock guitar – but even I wasn’t prepared for this flat. I scrubbed and scrubbed every single tile on the floor and walls of both the bathrooms and the kitchen until they changed colour completely and all my nail varnish had been scraped of my newly manicured fingers. However, despite being at it a fair few hours, instead of looking around and surveying a beautiful flat I only saw more grime. No I will not cry.
Instead I will have a closer inspection of what needs doing. It was at this point that I realized that the sink was broken and leaking on the floor, one toilet seat was bust, the other didn’t quite flush, the aircon was being temperamental and my fridge had a life of its own. What had I done?
OK – back to the chest of drawers. A change is as good as a rest. I pulled and yanked and pushed and grabbed but still it would not budge. I used hammer, screwdriver, wrench and pliers. But to no avail. The only thing I managed to do was drop planks on my toe and pop something in my back.
Only one thing was going to salvage this day. A nice cold beer.
Upon opening the fridge I remembered putting the beers in the freezer the previous day as I had only just turned the fridge on. Cautiously opening the freezer door I gently took the bottle out – whereupon it promptly exploded all over me. That was the beer that broke this camels back. What came out of my mouth shall never again be repeated and as for the water that came out of my eyes
